Not Having Titleitis
by Blanco Pagina
Summary: Sirius and James spend time with Carmen and EmilyRaen two sixthyear Ravenclaw girls and fall for their superfantastic random and slightly crazy personalities! Yah! There's some sex refs and lang.
1. Chapter 1: The Power of Matching Panties

Title: "It's a Girl Thing" Author: Emily Raen 

**Rating: PG-13 Mostly for language and sex references but may change**

**Pairings: Serius Black/EmilyRaen, James Potter/Carmen**

Summary: Sirius and James spend time with Carmen and EmilyRaen (two sixth-year Ravenclaw girls) and come to realize just how little they know about girls. As this proceeds, Remus takes notes. 

**Disclaimer: I like totally didn't like make the superhotties Sirius Black and James Potter…or Remus Lupin. (He's just like…okay.) giggle yeah, like I also didn't make the like super fab Hogwarts and Hogsmead. Those are like totally all J.K. Rowlings. You go girl! But yeah I also did not make Carmen, because she is like my super BESTEST FRIEND LIKE EVAH! Go her!! Yah Carmen!!! But yeah, I like didn't make me either 'cus, like, GOD made me. Like he made us all, man. So yeah, I like don't own any of this stuff because like how to you own something? You can't just take something for yourself. So yeah. I don't own like any of them. You are yourself and like no one else. Peace out man. \/,OO (that's my totally awesome hippie smiley. Go it. Like, peacefully though, man.) **

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**Author's Note: If you see any little ****numbers****, the notes for them are at the top of the chapter, after the chapter title. Also, there is ****NO**** Lily Evans in this story. Well, there is, but James and her are not in love. Lily just finds him an annoying, arrogant, handsome "broom boy". James is all Carmen's.**

Dedication: To the always wonderful Niobe (Carmen in the story) who introduced me to fanfiction. Go you! (Like, literally and spiritually, man.)

**Chapter One: The Power of Matching Panties**

1Serius and James were sitting opposite each other in the cabin. Carmen sat down next to Sirius on the right and Em sat next to James on the left. (The directions are based on the view upon first entering the compartment.)

2Only Carmen and Emily needed to change, as James and Sirius were already in their robes. They had found that they looked much more dignified if they walked on to the train wearing their new expensive school things (or so they thought).

3Emily and Carmen met Remus in the third year. They met at the second Hogsmead visit in the Flourish and Blots (the Hogsmead branch). The girls were looking for an advanced charms book, and Remus gladly welcomed a fellow bookworm. For the rest of the school years after they gathered a study group for tests and exams, led by Carmen, Emily, and Remus. The girls were delighted to find that their friend "Loony" had become a prefect with them. Sirius and James obviously never knew anything about this, since they never actually studied. Or read, most of the time.

Ah, first day at school and the Marauders were already back in the Ladies Game. Well, half the Marauders, that is. They were on the Hogwarts express and had already split up. Remus was occupied with the other sixth-year prefects ad Peter was nowhere to be found. It was just Black and Potter in the Game. This was perfectly fine-Peter was embarrassing and Remus didn't like to flirt. However, James and Sirius were perfect for the job; just the right combination of witty, charming, handsome, and arrogant. Okay, maybe a bit too arrogant. But that doesn't mean that they thought any less of themselves. No, Sirius and James were, or so they believed, Ladies Men. According to them, everyone on the planet believed them to be practically gods. Also according to them, it was just a matter of time before everyone on the planet (essentially teenage girls) succumbed to their fantastic wit and devilish good looks. Until that time came, they would settle themselves with flirting and, to say the least, making out.

"Ladies." James nodded to some giggling second-years passing the boys in the narrow Express hallway. The two were quite frustrated. It was their first day of being sixth-years—almost the top of the ladder—and they had yet to find a suitable compartment. All of the girls had refused to be charmed out of their seats. Had the two boys lost their touch already?! Had the summer drained them of their flirting capabilities?!…Nah. Never would Black and Potter be outwitted or out-charmed. It was simply impossible.

And until that train ride, it _had_ been impossible. Of course, before then they hadn't met the dynamic duo of all Ravenclaw girls. But now? Well….



Finally the two boys came to an empty compartment. They had only brought a small knapsack each, (the rest of their numerous luggage had been sent ahead to the school) so they didn't bother to look up to the storage spaces. If they had, they would have noticed that several persons' brightly colored trunks were stowed away. Unobservant as boys could be, they did not notice the items and continued on to have a very interesting conversation about the pros and cons (mostly pros) about thongs.

This conversation—which was starting to turn to even more risqué subjects—was interrupted about twenty minutes later. The door to the compartment slid smoothly open and thumped against the doorframe, cutting off Sirius's explanation on the benefits of matching undergarments. In the doorway were two sixth-year Ravenclaw girls. These facts were established by the fact that they 1) each had sixth-year prefect badges on, 2) each had Ravenclaw scarves and hats on, (although one of the girls had scarves from all the houses, and also a polka-dotted one that randomly changed colors) and 3) were both obviously girls. Sirius and James, being the hormonally driven boys that they were, just sat for a minute and sized them up.

The girl with only one scarf was a bit taller than the other one. She had a laughing face that currently held an eyebrow-raised, bemused expression. She had wild, curly dark brown hair that was pulled up in a floppy bun. Wide brown eyes examined the boys with a polite disinterest that, well, almost offended them. She was wearing a peasant shirt in sky blue with a brown lace-up vest. Under that she had a pair of close-fitting jeans with a long, thin, sheer, tye-dye peasant skirt. Then she had on, of all things, bright purple flip-flops. In her hand was a Muggle-style coffee mug labeled…what was that? Star-bucks? Hm. The boys would have to get to the bottom of this "Star-bucks".

The other girl also held a Star-bucks cup, but it was at the moment frozen in the air on the way to her lips. Overflowing with whipped cream, it was about to drip. Noticing this, the girl promptly stuck her mouth in and slurped loudly. Her friend smacked her lightly on the arm. At this the Scarves Girl just grinned a mischievous smile. Her face was round, yet still maintained a pixie-like grace. Her eyes were a hazel-green, shyly hidden underneath helter-skelter bangs. Light brown freckles were scattered across her barely tanned face, which was slightly flushed. She had dirty blond hair that was chopped in layers to create a wild, adventurous look. Continuing the crazy-like impression, she wore a flatteringly cut baby doll shirt in black with a winking smiley face on the front (that actually winked). She had paired with the shirt some jean shorts and calf-length, dark grey leggings with light grey polka dots. Then along with this she wore black (also polka-dotted) ballet flats. To finish off she had the afore-mentioned scarves.

It was at this point that the girls noticed the other occupants of the cabin. The girl with the scarves took on an annoyed expression, while the dark-haired one remained ever-politely amused. They looked at each other, silently communicating, as girls do, and sat down.1 Surprised by the sudden close proximity; the boys didn't say anything as the girls plopped down next to them. (Well, the Scarves Girl plopped. The Dark Hair Girl simply sat.)

"You know, Carmen, I am so glad that no one took our compartment," the Scarves Girl said loudly.

"Yes, Em. I'm sure everyone would have noticed that our bags are in the storage racks." The Dark Haired Girl, now dubbed Carmen, announced just as obviously.

"Its so nice to know how observant people are these days." This girl was named…Em, was it? The boys looked at each other. They weren't sure exactly what to do, but they had claimed the seats. As the saying goes, "you move your feet, you lose your seat."

EmilyRaen, the girl-with-scarves, frowned. Clearly these two boys weren't catching the drift. Looking at the one across from her closely, she racked her brain for their names. She knew them from somewhere, but they didn't seem like people she would waste her time with. For one thing, they looked much to stupid to be in Ravenclaw—no, she took that back; they looked arrogant, not stupid. She didn't look at the boy next to her, but the one across from her was, 'though she hated to admit it, quite cute, and almost hot by her standards. It was the type of face that she would remember. He had long hair, almost down to his shoulders, that was a soft black. It was unbelievably sexy, and made Emily want to run her fingers through it. Her eyes traveled down the rest of his face and she noticed the way his grey eyes sparkled with humor. _What humor would that be?_ She wondered, as she took in his sharp jaw and smirking lips. Mm. His lips. Almost as sexy as his hair. But, no. she had to concentrate on getting them out of the room. She needed to tell Carmen that she had dumped her boyfriend, and she was _not_ about to do it in front of those boys. It was time to work the Car/Em power.

"So, Em, since there is no one else here, I was wondering if you had any pads. I start in a few days, and you know how I _gush_." The cute one sitting next to Carmen edged away a little and grimaced. Fighting to hide a grin, Emily stood up to grab her bathroom bag. "of course, Carmen. You use maxi-pads, right?"

"Definitely." Carmen helped her friend drag down the heavy suitcase, _accidentally_ hitting one of the boys on the head in the process. Emily zipped open the case and plunged in head first.

"Thank goodness for these bottomless bags." Her muffled voice came from inside the trunk as she buried herself down to the waist.

"Bloody hell." The other boy muttered. The boys watched in awe—and Carmen watched them in amusement—as Emily surfaced, producing a large plastic bag full of menstrual pads. Handing them to Carmen, Emily closed the trunk and placed it back on the rack. Rather than put it away, Carmen put the bag beside her—right next to the boy. Edging away a little more, he stared at it in horror. _Is that what girls _use_ every month? No wonder they act like such bloody bitches._ Sirius thought. He would have nightmares about it for weeks. Well, it was time to get back. Those girls thought that they could get rid of them? Well, two could play at that game.

"So Prongs, I was talking earlier about the benefits of matching undergarments? Well, I forgot to mention how, if the girl is really ugly, the matching panties help as a distraction from her face." Sirius looked meaningfully at the Scarves Girl. Not looking at the boy that had spoken, Emily turned around and lifted her shirt to her bra strap. "Hey Carmen, can you check what size my bra is? My mom wanted to know so she could get me some new ones, but I forgot to check." Carmen stood and searched for a moment, then declared that she could not find a tag.

"Should I take off my shirt?" Emily said, mock-worried.

"Nah. Let's just look at another bra." With that decision, Carmen grabbed a bright red suitcase off of Emily's rack and opened it on the floor. Inside was a mess of female lingerie items. That matched.

Sirius and James looked at each other. They were no matches for the power of matching panties. These girls were formidable opponents indeed. Although they made several more attempts to interrupt the girls, the boys' hopes for a win were squashed each time. After a while they made due by naming all of the different girls that different items reminded them of. (This didn't work very well, as the girls simply ignored them, aside from snickering from time to time. Oh, and at one time they looked at each other and just burst into laughter. _Girls are fuckinodd_. James thought at this.)

By the time the girls had found a bra with an accurate size on it, the contents of the case were scattered across the floor, and the two boys had gained a thorough knowledge of female undergarments. Also, it was time to change into their robes.2

After Carmen had charmed the clothes away, the girls each grabbed small duffel bags off their racks. Carmen made for the door, but Emily made to pull off her shirt right there. Noticing this, Carmen hurriedly pulled her friend's shirt back down.

"What are you _doing_?" Carmen whispered frantically.

"Um, I'm changing." Emily said in a normal voice, hands on her hips.

"You can't change in here!"

"And why not? We always change in our compartment, and two arrogant little boys who think they are in charge are not going to change that." James made an annoyed sound at this; the girls ignored him.

"But you cant just strip in front to them!"

"_Why not_? If they want to see the whole show, how is it my fault they don't have tickets?" Emily demanded.

"Fine, then!" Carmen threw up her hands, then kicked off her shoes and removed her belt. (The boys watched the whole exchange in stunned, pleasured silence.) "I guess we'll just strip in front of two complete strangers who are probably total perverts-" Sirius made an offended sound. The girls rolled their eyes. " Don't even act like you aren't." Emily pulled off her shorts and leggings and shoved them in her bag. "All guys are perverts."

"Oh, really?" The boys said in unison, despite the fact that they knew perfectly well guys were all pretty pervy.

"Yes, really." Carmen said.

"Prove it." James said.

"Well, you-" Emily pointed to Sirius "-have been staring at my ass this whole time."

He spluttered for a moment, then said smoothly, "it's not like it's an easy target to avoid, considering how bloody huge it is."

"Of course it's big. Everyone has to have something big about them. For you, I'm sure it's your ego. But you were staring at my boobs too, and you don't see me staring all at your _manly_ parts."

"Not that there's much to see." Muttered Carmen. The other boy snickered and grinned at Carmen. Then his bigheaded friend kicked him in the shin. They glared at each other for a minute while Carmen and Emily finished dressing.

It was at that point that a knock sounded at the door and Remus Lupin stepped in.

"James, Sirius, there you are—and Carmen and Emily too, apparently." Remus looked questioningly at James and Sirius as the girls launched themselves at Remus for hugs. He was their favorite Gryffindor.3

"So _that's_ their names!" exclaimed Carmen, slinging an arm around his neck.

"Well, yes. Didn't you know that?" Remus looked confused as he extricated himself from the limbs and sat down in Carmen's abandoned seat. Emily then promptly dropped in his lap. "Of course not, Loony Lupin. They just decided not to say anything the _whole_ time except to insult us and explain in thorough detail what undergarments their various ladyloves wore, and how they were beneficial to the liaison."

"Gods, do you two have no restraint?" Remus rolled his eyes. "No, don't answer that. Of course you don't. And, Em, could you please remove yourself from my lap?"

"Nope, sorry, Loony. I find it vitally necessary to sit on your lap." She smiled innocently. Remus just looked at her meaningfully until she sighed and stood, leaning on the now closed door. "Fine, then. But I refuse to not call you Loony. It doesn't matter what anyone else says; you're as loony as the Luna in the sky and I wont let you forget it." She shook a finger at him. Remus chuckled.

"Alright then, Emily. You just keep thinking that."

"I _will_." She huffed, and crossed her arms, ending the conversation.

"So," Remus said, turning to his more masculine friends. "What was that about feminine undergarments?"

"Who says they were all feminine?" put in Carmen mysteriously. That brought on a whole new bout of laughter and teasing. They talked until the train slowed and stopped. They had arrived.

The girls grabbed their trunks and left to go find a carriage. James and Sirius left soon after with Remus to get the third boy's bags.

"Loony?" Sirius snickered as soon as the girls were out of hearing range.

"You're the ones that discussed _thongs,_ of all things, in front of them!" Remus said as he hurried ahead.

"So, wait a second," James said. "How do you know them, anyway, Moony?"

"Um, just places." Said Remus. Then he rushed forward to disappear into the crowd.

"Moony?!" The other two called after him, but there was _no_ way Remus was getting caught explaining. Such things were just not meant to reach his friends' ears.



So, what do you think? That was my first chapter; I hope you like it. I actually have two more chapters I have to put in, but it is way too late tonight to start typing a new chapter and I've been working on this for like hours. Enjoy my efforts! And don't forget to comment! Please! I beg of you!

**Also, don't forget to mention if there are any grammar mistakes in here. I HATE grammar mistakes. Also, any inconsistencies and mistakes in the characters' personalities. Those are always important. And once again, please comment!**


	2. Little Comment Thing Ch1

**Okay, about an hour after I posted the first chapter I realized that Sirius and James were being **_**way**_** too innocent, so be prepared for dirtier comments and even dirtier…other stuff. So if you have any fun comments you want to post with ideas on how James and Sirius can woo Carmen and Em, please do. The bet that they are about to set doesn't end for two whole weeks, which means that there's **_**plenty**_** of time for everyone to get in some mischief.**

**Also, if you think i should rewrite the section of the first chapter where they are conversing on the train (Sirius, James, Carmen and Emily), then please tell me. I wasn't sure, but if you think it would be better with more character clashing and teasing people, please tell me. I can change anything that you guys think needs to be changed.**

**love ya,**

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	3. Chapter 2:the girlsexplainthings Hm

**Btw, the little (C) and (E) are there to indicate who is talking so you (and me) don't become thoroughly confused and spiral off into nothingness due to the craziness of talking people. It would be even worse for you because it would mean you couldn't finish the chapter. Do a good thing and use the help.**

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**\/,OO peace out, man.**

**Teriyaki**

**(PastyRamone-Extremely)**

**Chapter Two:-the girls-explain-things. Hm. Hm.  
**_This chapter is dedicated to Matt Johns (John John) and Maddie Mielke (who likes to be called Fae). They inspired this chapter so much and despite the fact that half the time I hate their guts (mostly John John's guts), they are great friends sometimes (mostly Fae). So you go guys! Superfantastic._

1I actually have absolutely no idea what he did. If you have any ideas, that would be super fun. I'll make sure to post the best ones. :)

2In fourth grade Carmen had refused to tell Emily that she absolutely loathed the shirt she was wearing. It was a traumatic experience, to say the least. I mean, what kind of cruel person doesn't tell people when they don't like people's clothes? Really….

3Thoughtful Stance: Place right hand on chin and stroke as if deep in thought, place left hand on right elbow, and cross legs. Lean against partner in exercise. The girls do this quite frequently.

That night after the welcoming feast, Emily pulled Carmen aside and told her what had happened with her boyfriend.

"He couldn't have been that bad, could he?!" Carmen had gasped when Em told her what he did.1

"Of course not. He was much, much worse. I don't think that even Sirius Black would be as bad as him. Plus Sirius is actually a remotely nice person some of the time. He's just…not."

"Oh, yeah. Or James. James would definitely be a good boyfriend." Carmen giggled involuntarily. This boy incited feelings in her that she had only imagined in books. It was quite an interesting thing.

"Right…" Em frowned. She did _not_ like the way the conversation was turning. In fact, she preferred to completely avoid the subject of Sirius Black. She should not have brought it up. But there was just one thing…. "Carmen, how else exactly do you know James?" she asked suspiciously.

"Um, nowhere." Then Carmen fled, for this was the first time since Muggle fourth grade that she had not told a secret to her best friend.2 And this was the one that she would much rather keep to herself.



The next day at breakfast the boys, now three, walked over to where Em and Carmen were sitting.

"Morning girls. I just wanted to let you know that there's a prefects' meeting after lunch in the headmaster's office."

"Thanks, Loony!" Said Emily brightly.

"You know, you guys walk together a lot." Carmen said, equally as bright.

"Like you're in a gang."

"Yes, like in a gang."

"Like you're protecting each other."

"Do you think we're going to eat Remus?" Carmen asked the boys in hushed tones.

"I do believe they do." Em whispered as well.

"Hm…"

"Actually, we were just coming to see the latest crop of ladies in Ravenclaw." James said as he nodded to several people along the table (all female).

"Well, we're ladies." Said Carmen.

"Hm." Em leaned against Carmen.

"Hm." Carmen leaned against her friend as well.

"Yes, except we don't like you." Said Sirius, also scanning the crowd. The girls took on thoughtful stances3.

"That can be interpreted in many ways," said Emily.

(C) "yes, absolutely differently interpreted."

(E) "It could mean, 'we don't like you, we love you'."

(C) "…we adore you."

(E) "we implore you…"

(C) "to please-"

(E) "oh please-"

(C)go out with us-"

(E) "because we like-"

(C) "your matching panties-"

(E) "oh, yes-"

(C) "the matching panties comment."

(E) "That can be interpreted too."

(C) "I'm pretty sure he meant it-"

(E) "As an insult, because-"

(C) "at the time-"

(E) "they didn't like us-"

(C) "but then-"

(E)I'm not sure-"

(C) "If they like us?-"

(E) "But they couldn't-"

(C) "Oh, they couldn't?-"

(E) "But they wouldn't-"

(C) "no, they couldn't-"

(E) "why not?-"

(C) "I don't know-"

(E) "so they would-"

(C) "so they could-"

(E) "and they would-"

(C) "and they should-"

(E) "'cus they clearly-"

(C) "very dearly-"

(E) "like our-"

(C) "matching panties."

(E) "hm."

(C) "hm."

Giving up, the boys began to walk back to their table. Then James started, "You know, I'll never get-"

"-how they do that?" Remus finished.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "Me neither."

(E) "Hey boys?"

They turn back for a second.

(C) "You'll never-"

(E) "-get it-"

(C) "because 'it'-"

(E) "-isn't something-"

(C) "you get-"

(E) "-it's just-"

(C) "a girl-"

(E) "-thing."

"A 'girl thing'?" Sirius asked skeptically.

(C) "yes-"

(E) "-a girl-"

(C) "-thing, it's a lot-"

(E) "-of things you-"

(C) "-know that are-"

(E) "-girl things."

(C) "They just-"

(E) "-are."

And with that the girls turned back to finish their now cold breakfast.

☼

"Well, that was…" started Sirius.

"Interesting?" James finished. They grinned. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Please do _not_ start that again. You wouldn't be _nearly_ as good as the girls, and I've already got a headache started.

"What's that…"

"…supposed to mean?"

"Come on, you guys. You have to admit, they are really good at getting under your skin." Remus sighed. He could tell already that this would turn into something bigger than need be…and he was right….

"But we're the best." James said confidently.

"Not at this, not really." Said Remus.

"Why not?" Sirius demanded.

"Because you just aren't."

"Well, that's just not good enough."

"Can't you just admit that someone is better at something than you?"

"No." James put in. "'Cus they're not. We're the best at everything, and we can prove it."

"Oh really?" said Remus, now intrigued. "And how exactly do you plan to do that?"

The boys looked at each other for a moment, then Sirius said, "We'll have a bet."

"No!" Remus hated bets. With a fiery passion.

"Calm down, Moony; it's completely innocent."

"Yes, because everything is always _so_ innocent with you two." Remus snorted.

"This _is_ innocent." Sirius insisted. "The thing that would most get under Carmen and Em's skins is if we somehow maneuvered them into going on dates with us."

"Yes!" James put in, now enthusiastic at the thought of dating Carmen. "We have to get them on dates with us before the Quiditch game against Ravenclaw next Saturday. If we do, then you do our homework for a month."

"And if you lose, you do your own homework for a month, no copying. From anyone. And you have to have the date _before_ the game, not just set it up before then." Remus was going to have fun with this bet.

"What?" Sirius protested. "There's no way Emily would-"

"To hard for you, Paddiefoot?" Remus raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Of course not." Sirius said indignantly. Clearly he thought that he would _never_ lose a bet.

"Marauder's dishonor" Remus said, sticking his hand out for a shake.

"Marauder's dishonor." The other two boys agreed, and shook.

☼

"Alright," said James to Sirius, as they left the Great Hall. "We'll ask them in transfiguration, then."

"Agreed." And the two boys went off to what would be a _very_ interesting transfiguration.

**So, what did you think? It's a good thing I finished right now, because it is 9:45 and the computer shuts me out at 10. It's a problem… (damn parental controls…) But yeah, reviewreviewreview! I am working on like three more chapters right now, so I will post more ASAP. In the meantime, tell me what you think of my characters. Sirius is still worrying me, with his innocence. I need to make him do something. GAH. It's a problem. But oh well. I'll work on that later. Right now I'm just superhappy to have this chapter finished typed. I could NOT get any farther with it still at the back of my mind…taunting me…/screams at invisible things/…yup, so I am superexcited to have this typed and superpsyched to type more. Well, write more. Not so much with the typing thing….**

**So, tell me if you love it,**

**Lie if you hate it,**

**As long as you review!!!**

**Leslie**

**(PastyRamone-Extremely)**


	4. Little Comment Thing Numero Dos

**Okay, so I FINALLY cleaned up and edited those first two chapters. Hopefully they will help to make more sense of the coming chapters when I finally end up typing and posting the coming chapters. Sorry about those, by the way. I have like the next two chapters written, like I said, I just don't have them typed. Maybe I can get my typing teacher to let me work on them during class….hm….**

**So, read it again please, and review…again…. Thanks!!!**

**Lily Flower (I'm in a L/J fetish…)**

**(AKA PastyRamone-Extremely)**


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